Untruth: Guys will only like you if you trick them into liking you.
Teen magazines love this little lie.
How to make your crush want you. Get the guy every girl wants. Kissing secrets: Guys reveal what they love most. Secret tricks: How to get anything you want.
Those are a few of the headlines from teen magazines. They use this little lie because it sells magazines. All girls want to know how they can snag the guy they’ve been crushing on, and the people who work on teen magazines eat that up.
The only problem is, a guy is not a prize to be won. Girls aren’t meant to chase after a guy to gain his affection; guys are the ones who are supposed to do the chasing.
My close friend Mindy told me a story that I’ve already shared in a different post, but it’s extremely relevant and very wise.
She told me about how her boyfriend James pursued her in a way that she didn’t have to pursue his affections. She said that she was refreshed by the fact that she didn’t have to do anything to “win him over,” but that he sought after her. Mindy’s advice to me was to wait for a guy who will search after me, instead of doing things to get his attention.
This is the way God intended relationships to begin. In Genesis 29:16-30, we can see an example of God’s intended way for a man to pursue a woman. Aside from the fact that Laban tricked Jacob, and that Jacob actually had two wives at the end of all of this, and the modern version of incest, it’s a great example of a man who pursues a woman with everything he is. Jacob worked seven years for a man he only knew for a month. Yes, this man was his uncle, but Jacob hadn’t actually ever met him before the day he arrived in Paddan Aram.
Jacob worked seven years for what he thought was a marriage to Rachel, the woman he loved. Then, when Laban tricked him and gave him Leah on their wedding night, Jacob thought it was Rachel. When he woke up the next morning, he realized that he had just consummated his marriage to Leah, and then agreed, angry as he was, to work seven more years to marry Rachel. So Jacob worked a total of fourteen years, he waited fourteen years, to finally marry Rachel. And not just marry her, he had to wait fourteen years to kiss her, to hold her in his arms, probably to even be alone in a room with her. If that’s not a wonderful picture of the way a man is supposed to pursue a woman, I don’t know what is.
On top of this, if you, dear Sister, pursue a guy instead of letting him pursue you, you take away his responsibility as a man. You’re becoming the man in the relationship, and that’s insulting to the guy you’re crushing on. By pursuing him, you’re telling him that you don’t think he’s good at pursuing you, so you want to do it yourself. That’s an issue of control. And believe me, I’ve dealt with that… a lot. It’s never worked out for me.
Please remember this: by tricking a guy into liking you, by trying to win a guy, you’re not really getting into a relationship because he likes you for you. The reason he went out with you, if you’ve tricked him, is because you tricked him. Soon enough, he’ll realize that you aren’t what he thought you were.