For those of you who are really interested in my personal life, you will seriously enjoy this post. It will probably read more like a journal or diary entry than a blog post, but that’s cool with me.
I’m 21, and perpetually single. I’m the girl my guy friends look at and think, “She’s an awesome friend,” but don’t want to date (apparently); more girl friend-material than girlfriend-material (yes, there’s a difference).
Anyway, I was thinking a lot about it, and decided that I should probably deal with my emotions about being forever-single. I started searching online for Christian articles about what to do if you never get married. To be clear, I still want to get married. It would be wonderful. BUT… if I happen to never get married, I want some kind of a back-up plan so I don’t feel cheated out of life by waiting to get married. So, while I was searching, I came across this old Sunday school handout from 2007 from some church, and the first question was, “To determine whether you should get married or remain single, answer the question, ‘What will liberate me to be most fully devoted to Christ?'” Boom! Conviction. I have been looking at marriage all wrong since… since I pictured myself walking down the aisle in a beautiful white gown. Marriage is not a goal, something to check off my list. It isn’t something to aspire to have, like a title. It’s supposed to be a union that first and foremost glorifies God. I have been worshiping marriage as an idol for so long, and it’s time to fix that.
Ok, so since marriage has been an idol in my life, and God tells us to flee from idols (1 Corinthians 10:14), I have to distance myself from the thought of marriage. Probably a little extreme, yes, but necessary. I’ve begun to focus on how I can serve God as a single woman, not tied to anyone else. Because I have so much free time and I don’t have to worry about a husband or children or anything like that, I can do God’s will wherever He sends me.
Which brings me to my next point, and the reason for the title of this post.
Since I am putting marriage out of my mind for right now (NOT forever, let me make sure you understand), I’ve been thinking about what extreme things I’d like to do if I happen to stay single forever (or things I just want to do, in general). One thing that’s been heavy on my heart is that, for argument’s sake, if I never get married, I’ll never have children. That pierces my heart because I love children and, given the chance, would love to have a bunch … maybe five or six? Since I’m going to always have a heart for children, I’ve been thinking of ways to be a “mother” without being married.
The answer: I’ll run an orphanage. They’ll fulfill my desire to have “children,” and I can be a mother-figure in their lives. Of course, this is just a thought. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful opportunity to share God’s love with the least of us? In James 1:27a, it says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” This is not a set-in-stone plan, and might just be frivolous musings, but I’d love to see what God does since I’ve fully given my heart to Him.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve given my heart to Him but held on to my desire to be married. Now, with my whole heart in His hands, I feel freer than I’ve ever felt. God has my whole heart, my life, and my love, and now He can send me wherever He wants whenever He wants.